Mariana remembers her mother-in-law’s statement, "Be sure you don't spoil that baby. We don't need a fussy, clinging baby in THIS family!"
But the prenatal newborn class Mariana and her partner, Matías, attended had focused on understanding and responding to a baby's communication. They remember those “Zones” and “SOSs,” and they understood from the beginning that "our baby is a REAL person -- ready and able to have a relationship with us!"
These parents love to cuddle up with their baby, delighting in her newest achievement. They tell each other how special their baby is. That sense of knowing and appreciating their baby has only grown over these months.
Nevertheless, they still wonder if their love and attention might spoil this baby, so they bring up this worry up at their next pediatric visit.
The Science: Why you can’t spoil a baby
Babies are experts in communicating their many needs: "I'm hungry, hot, cold, lonely, tired, bored . . . " As parents respond to a baby's needs, the baby learns that she is loved and cared for, and that her world is a safe and supportive place. Parents who are able to respond quickly to a baby's needs find that their baby becomes less demanding, not more. Studies show that babies who feel secure during their first year become more independent, self-confident and happier in years to come.
In addition, baby’s brains need to more fully develop before “spoiling” is even possible. It is not until around nine months of age that babies begin to understand "cause and effect”: “If I do THIS – then THAT will happen." A baby this age notices that if she pushes her bowl off the table, it falls to the floor with a big bang. Before this age, that bowl seems to vanish from the world. Thus, it’s not until 9- 12 months of age that babies are capable of taking actions that might manipulate their loved ones.
How this information helped these parents
Mariana and Matías were reassured by their doctor’s insight. Indeed, parenthood has been as thrilling and as satisfying as this couple had hoped. By the time their daughter was six months old, Mariana and Matías were happy that the extended family acknowledged that their love and attention had not spoiled this baby. Instead, the entire family is enjoying connecting with a thriving, secure, happy little girl.